Life After the Decree: Why the Hardest Part of Divorce Often Starts *After* It’s Over
As a divorce coach and someone who has walked this path myself, I understand the visceral emotional pain of uncoupling. It is widely known that divorce ranks in the top three most painful life events a human can experience.
While many assume this pain is reserved for the person who didn’t want the divorce, that simply isn’t true. The pain is baked into the event itself; it isn't negated by who initiated the filing.
We often talk about the stress of the process—the custody battles, the division of assets, and the lengthy litigation. But we rarely discuss what happens when the dust settles. Where does your life go then? What do the next decades look like? This transition is an often-overlooked, incredibly difficult "second mountain" for women.
The Adrenaline Crash
When the judge signs off and the papers are filed, many women find themselves feeling worse than they did during the legal battle. There are a few reasons for this:
The Loss of High-Stakes Adrenaline: In a high-conflict divorce, you live in a constant state of "fight or flight." Your days are consumed by paperwork, attorney meetings, and strategy. When that chaos suddenly stops, the silence can be deafening. If your marriage was tumultuous, you might actually be so accustomed to chaos that you’ve forgotten how to function in peace.
From "What If" to "What Now": During the divorce, there are many unknowns: Will I get the house? How much support will I receive? The mystery of the outcome often keeps you moving. Once the settlement is reached, the "mystery" is gone, and you are left facing the reality of your new life.
The Economic Reality: Women often suffer economically after divorce. Many have sacrificed careers to be primary caregivers, leading to a significant wage gap. Adjusting to a scaled-back lifestyle while navigating at least 50% single parenting is a daunting, heavy burden.
The Silence of the "50/50" Life
Then there is the grief of loneliness. When the children are with you, you are "on"—busy, purposeful, and focused. But on those other days, the silence can feel overwhelming.
We live in a "couples' world." On weekends without your kids, when it seems like everyone else is at soccer games or recitals as a family unit, the isolation can make you want to crawl out of your skin. You may find yourself wondering: Will I be alone forever? In the era of "Gray Divorce," women in their 50s are facing these fears with a unique intensity. Nighttime is often the worst, as that is when the anxiety likes to settle in.
The Myth of the "Linear Recovery"
Well-meaning friends might ask why you’re still "down" now that the case is settled. There is a social expectation that once the papers are signed, you should be relieved and happy.
But grief is not linear. You will have days where you feel on top of the world, and others where it is physically painful to get out of bed. There will be days when food seems gross, getting dressed feels like a marathon, and functioning in society feels impossible. All of this is normal.
How to Support Yourself Through the Transition
If you are in the thick of this transition, remember that all things are temporary. Here is how you can begin to guide yourself back to solid ground:
Move Your Body: Whether it’s a five-minute walk or an hour-long spin class, do something every day to process the cortisol.
Sit in the Quiet: You have to get comfortable being uncomfortable. The only way to the other side of the pain is through the middle of it. Feel the feelings; don't run from them.
Audit Your Inner Circle: If friends don't understand why you aren't "over it" yet, let them go for a while. You should not have to spend your limited energy teaching people how to empathize with your grief.
Professional Support: Get a good therapist and a divorce coach. If budget is an issue, look for community groups, sliding-scale online therapy, or local women’s collectives.
Find Your Tribe: Join a divorce support group. There is immense healing in talking to women who truly "get it."
Embrace Nature: Sunshine and fresh air are biologically healing. Get outside as often as possible.
Release the Stigma of Medication: There is no shame in seeking medical help. Whether short-term or long-term, medication can provide the "floor" you need to keep from falling further.
A Final Thought
Be gentle with yourself. Holidays will be different; some years you’ll have the kids and be overwhelmed by new traditions, and other years you won’t, and the day will feel torturous. Both are part of the process.
You are not alone, and you will not feel this way forever.
Reach out and let’s schedule a free consultation to help you make the next chapter the best yet.
New Solace, New Support: Why I’m Sharing My Arbonne Journey
Happy New Year!! For myself and many of the people in my life, 2025 was a year filled with change and opportunities for growth. As much as I learned in 2025, I’m glad we are starting a new year and I’m very excited we are in 2026!
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to truly support our bodies through every season of life. If you’ve followed my journey here at From Within Health, you know I believe that our bodies are constantly speaking to us. Sometimes the message is a subtle whisper—a little less energy in the afternoon—and sometimes it’s a roar, like the "stuck" feeling we get when our hormones or our health are out of alignment.
Recently, I attended an online convention for Arbonne, a company I’ve quietly loved and used for over a decade. Now, I want to be very clear: I’m not writing this to "pitch" you or convince you to join a network marketing company! I value the trust we’ve built here far too much for that. But as a holistic health coach, I’d be remiss if I didn’t share the tools that have actually made a difference in my own "total body and mind" wellness.
Arbonne has been around for over forty years, focusing on plant-based, effective products. While they have everything from makeup to skincare, my heart (and my kitchen cabinet) has always belonged to their nutrition line. I first started their 30 Days to Healthy Living program years ago on the recommendation of a SoulCycle instructor, and it was a total reset for me. It helped clear up lingering inflammation and gave me a level of mental clarity and energy I hadn’t felt in years. Since then, the vegan protein shakes, the detox tea, and those famous "fizz sticks" have become staples in my daily routine. They don’t just work; they actually taste good, which—let’s be honest—is huge when you’re trying to stay consistent!
But what really prompted me to sit down and write this was a piece of news from the convention that got me truly excited. Arbonne just released a groundbreaking new line called HerCore Essentials, and it is centered entirely around women’s hormonal health.
As you know, I have a deep passion for supporting women through every stage of life. We are often told to just "motor through" the difficult parts of being a woman—the monthly cycles, the postpartum fog, the "annoying" hot flashes of perimenopause and menopause. But we weren't designed to just survive these stages; we were meant to live fully and comfortably within them.
The HerCore line offers targeted, plant-based support for all of it. There are supplements for cycle regulation, pregnancy wellness, and even a cooling mist specifically for those night sweats and hot flashes that can make life feel so heavy.
Right now, if you use our AFFILIATE LINK and become a Preferred Customer, you can get a 20 percent discount on all the products you buy, along with other great benefits! If you do try out the products, I’d love to know what you think so shoot me a message!
check out my appearance on the divorce survival guide podcast!
Recently, I mentioned that I had the opportunity to lead a discussion as a guest expert on a women’s divorce Facebook group led by the incredible Kate Anthony. Following on that opportunity, I had the honor of appearing on Kate’s podcast, The Divorce Survival Guide, which is among the most popular podcasts on relationships in the country. We talked about why women’s health concerns are still being dismissed, especially during the chaos of divorce and midlife changes like perimenopause. We also discussed the ways the medical system fails women, how we’ve been conditioned to ignore our own bodies, and what it means to reclaim our power in the middle of it all.
I’m excited to announce that the podcast episode is live! You can check it out now at https://kateanthony.com/podcast/ or your favorite podcast app!
From Kate’s promotional email for the episode:
The healthcare system was not built for women. For many of us, especially in midlife, our health concerns are dismissed, misunderstood, or flat-out ignored. And when you’re navigating the storm of divorce at the same time as perimenopause or menopause? It can feel like you’re unraveling.
I’m joined by Phoenix Rising member Kathy Gould, a holistic health coach, personal trainer, life coach, lactation consultant, and current grad student finishing her second Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy. (I’m telling you, the women in Phoenix Rising are BADASS!)
This episode started as a guest expert session inside Phoenix Rising (my divorce empowerment collective for women). The conversation was so powerful, I knew I had to bring it to the podcast.
Kathy and I get into why the medical system has failed women, how we’ve been gaslit about our own bodies, and what it looks like to take our power back especially during times of massive upheaval like divorce. We are not meant to go through this quietly, and we are certainly not meant to go through it alone.
What you’ll hear about in this episode:
Why women’s health is dismissed, especially in midlife
The deep need for more open, supportive conversations around our wellness
The long-standing misconceptions about hormone replacement therapy (HRT)
How to advocate for yourself when doctors aren’t listening (especially if they’re covered by insurance)
What Kathy recommends for women going through both divorce and menopause at the same time
What Kathy recommends for women going through both divorce and menopause at the same time
Hope you enjoy the episode as much as I enjoyed doing it! If you know someone who could benefit from the information in this podcast, please share it. And, as always, please don’t hesitate to reach out if you’d like to book a FREE initial consultation with me regarding your goals for holistic health and wellness!